I’m always hearing people talk about their lives...

The most common lament I hear, is something along the lines that a persons’ life is boring, they want more excitement in their life.

Personally, I’ve never found excitement to be a good thing - give me a fairly uneventful life and I’ll be content. I’ve had enough excitement in my life, thank you very much, to last me the rest of my lifetime. I’m not saying I don’t want to enjoy life, I just could do without the really high peaks or deep valleys that having an exciting life seems to encourage.

Interestingly enough, my life has at times resembled the movies.

Awhile back it was:


image courtesy of: www.reelartgallery.com

You see, there always seems to be something around the house that is causing a problem. This comes from years of little or no maintenance performed by the EYOC who doesn’t seem to think things ever need to be fixed or replaced. A few summers back, I noticed there was this really nice smell over by the windows in the dining room. Of course, I thought it was the flowers or something coming into bloom because it was summertime.

Wrong.

The really pleasant, overly sweet, perfumy smell was just a way ants let you know they are in the process of setting up shop in your house. So, over the next few months there was this kind of war between me and the ants as I tried to figure out where they were coming from and to put a stop to the “Ant Invasion” (Adam Ant eat your heart out).

I plugged holes in the wall, did research on the net, put out cayenne pepper on the trails, scrubbed and scrubbed to no avail. I would be sitting at my laptop when they would rather boldly make their way across my work table. After a few unsuccessful months, I finally was able to track down their home base, which in fact turned out to be the relatively new work table I had gotten from Ikea.

In the process of setting it up to work on, I had drilled holes in the bottom of the table to mount a surge protector on. There was an open drill hole and the interior of the table was hollow which was all the invitation needed for the ants to move in. To prove my theory, I put a little bit of insect spray around the hole and was rewarded by the swarm.

Needless to say I removed the tables’ legs, took the tabletop and put it out by the curb. Like a lot of things around here, it never made it to the trash truck as someone came by and seeing the pristine tabletop (with only a few drill holes in the underside) thought it was the junk connoisseurs prize. At least the little beasties found a new home with someone else (a cautionary tale for all you dumpster diving hipsters out there).

After the smaller ants moved out, some time later the bigger boys on the block made a sporadic appearance (those nice large ants) but it appeared a good spraying around the houses perimeter did the trick.

So, my life was that fifties horror classic Them for awhile, as I battled the ants.

Recently, my life has transformed once again to follow the path of another movie:



The other day I noticed a bee in the window in the dining room so, I swatted it.

Saturday morning I had my coffee early and when I came back upstairs, I noticed there were six or seven bees in the dining room window (this reminded me of that scene in “The Birds” on the monkey bars). I got out a trusty can of bug spray and gave each critter a little spritz.

I went outside just to look around the outside of the house and sure enough there seemed to be one spot which had a heightened frenzy of bee activity. If I had a household version of the Department of Homeland Defense this would’ve caused me to put the house on the highest level of alert.

When I got home that night there were about 30 or 40 dead bees on the windowsill, on the floor by the window. I should qualify that, some of them just weren’t totally dead yet and sat there in the bee equivalent of a death throes.

Some selective taping and a quick vacuum later the problem was addressed - so much for excitement in my life - excitement a thing I can certainly do without.

Today was another attack on the bees, it’s war, war I say!

Last week I was walking along a street in Manhattan on the way to the dentist (more on that whole experience another time).

It was a beautiful day (Thursday) in stark contrast to the day before which had been overcast and slightly chilly for a July day. Well, as people in the city are, there were a bunch of people just out in front of their stores, watching the day progress.

I was on a side street not one of the Avenues. As I neared the corner of 2nd Avenue, I could see two of the white capped traffic officers making their way up along the cars parked on the side of the street I was on.

The street I was walking along is one of those Manhattan streets which has alternate side of the street parking in mid block and meters up towards the avenue. So, people were just out there staring at the traffic agents as the agents looked over the cars and figured out who to give tickets to.

It used to be these traffic people wore brown uniforms and I always equated them to the fascists of World War 2, something which was easy to do because of the agents boorish behavior.

I can acknowledge being a traffic agent is a thankless job. Their main goal in life is issuing summonses. Consequently, their dealings with the public rarely border on fun.

It had gotten so bad in NYC a few years back they changed the traffic agents uniforms so they more closely resembled those of police officers and the city also enacted legislation making traffic agents “peace officers” so, the attacks which grew out of adversarial encounters with the public took on a more serious tone as viewed by the courts (I believe it’s a felony now).

As I got closer one of the agents broke off to walk further up the block and his companion set about preparing to write a summons. There was a wagon parked at a meter, the meter had expired and had become a target for the traffic agent. A guy was standing in the doorway of his store, taking it all in idly.

I walked over to the meter, dug through my pockets, found and put a quarter in. I don’t know if I stopped the agent from writing the ticket or not. I did hear his exclamation of astonishment as I walked away but I didn’t hang around. He hadn’t started writing the ticket as far as I could tell and there were witnesses that the meter had money in it. I”m sure he was annoyed.

But, in as plain language as I can put it - f**k him!

I hate those guys, there’s just no other way to put it. A few weeks back I met a friend in the city for lunch, put my money in one of the muni meters, paid for parking until 3 pm and got to my car two minutes after the time had expired to see an agent just finishing writing a nice $65 ticket and placing it on my windshield.

If that quarter saved someone $65 it was well worth it. There’s no way the city can justify giving out tickets like that to people - it’s only another way for them to milk money from people. When you think about it, anyone who is well off and has a nice car garages it, they’re not parking it at a meter. That leaves the rapidly vanishing middle class to bear the burden of expired meters.

I’m not sorry and my most fervent hope is it screwed the agent from making his quota - I just wish more people would dig out a quarter instead of watching these guys write these extortionist tickets.

I was home today.

Everyday when I’m home, I have certain habits which have become part of my routine. Usually, between 3 and 5 there are a couple of those court shows, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy and The People’s Court. I’ll flip between the channels depending on how entertaining the case may be.

There is some kind of perverted fascination (akin to rubbernecking passing a bad car accident) which compels me to watch these things.

People’s Court tapes in Manhattan and I had great fun attending a taping with a friend a while back - truly one of those great free things there are to do in New York.

After the court show are over, it’s right into the days’ news. New York is unique in that there are four channels running local news shows at 5pm. Most markets don’t have that kind of coverage, so in that way New Yorkers are lucky that they have all these outlets for information.

Still, if someone could explain what the significant news value in Martha Stewart’s sentencing was and her public statements afterward I’d appreciate it.

Truth to tell - if it continues I’ll have to say I’d rather stick with the court shows before 5pm - they don’t purport to be news programs and they’re a helluva lot more entertaining.o

I saw Spider Man 2 over the weekend...



There are moviegoers who make a point of missing superhero movies, and I can't blame them, although I confess to a weakness for the genre. I liked both of the “Crow” movies, and “Daredevil,” “The Hulk” and “X2,” but not enough to recommend them to friends who don't like or understand comic books. “Spider-Man 2” is in another category: It's a real movie, full-blooded and smart, with qualities even for those who have no idea who Stan Lee is. It's a superhero movie for people who don't go to superhero movies, and for those who do, it's the one they've been yearning for.

I never thought in my lifetime I’d see them be able to capture the excitement and feel of a comic book on the big screen. Certainly, I never imagined they would be able to do it with Spider Man but, I have to admit this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

I’ve resisted the urge to talk out of school - it’s been hard but, up to now I’ve done it...

So, I’m a bachelor again. I can’t say I‘m completely happy about it, if it were my choice it wouldn’t be the case but, I didn’t feel like I had much say in the matter.

On one level, I am very fortunate - I got to share my life for seven years with a truly wonderful person. Things weren’t always great, granted, in relationships they rarely are, but I was very, very happy with the person I was with.

Somehow, I was fortunate enough to be graced with this wonderful, intelligent and beautiful creature who came into my world and made it a much better, nicer place. Not only that but, for the first time I felt a connection with the person I was with, I felt like we were a family and when it was good I can honestly say nothing else in my life has ever come as close to the joy I felt being with her.

Well, as many people find these days, somehow we lost our way. There was a subtext to the relationship, we both knew was there but, neither if us had the tools to deal with it. I’d like to say there was a clear way to assign blame to one party or another but, the truth is there really wasn’t (at least from my vantage point - you’d have to ask her to find out if she agreed).

Anyway, it was “the elephant in the room” if you get my drift and it hung over us for awhile - and with an elephant in the room it was hard for there to be movement of any kind. I imagine, a relationship is a bit of an organic thing, it needs to grow and change (hopefully for the better) or it dies. Our relationship stopped growing.

I even think we got to a point where there was a bitter truce if you would and neither of us would give ground anymore. So, we stared across that divide that separated us, not enemies but certainly not friends, just combatants at an uneasy truce. Maybe we both felt there was no more ground to give, no more sacrifice to make and so inevitably, one day we wound up going our separate ways.

I cried, I was angry, the whole range of emotions I went through, for a lot of the time I hoped it was just a period we were going through - a storm if you will and one day we’d get to that place where the waters would be calm, the sun would be shining and we‘d be sailing clear seas again.

But, that’s not the way things go.

I still love the person dearly - there may be times when I descend into bitterness or anger but, I’ve been trying hard not to let it get the better of me and I’ve been trying hard not to dwell on it (or at least the more negative aspects of the situation) knowing it will do me little good.

I still feel like I missed something (I even said as much well after the fact) but, I know she’s happier and I take some solace in that. Yeah, there are times it bothers me but, she was unhappy for a long time and the hardest thing in the world is to see someone you love unhappy and feel powerless to do anything about it.

I wanted only to be a positive force in her life and I think at there came a point where none of my stories were new anymore, none of my ideas fresh, being together was only a reminder of the disappointment and anger she felt towards me. I stayed away for awhile, I didn’t want to but, it was becoming clear it was the only way she would move forward. I miss her but, it‘s what had to happen.

My only hope is maybe one day we’ll be friends and that’s all I’m ever going to say about it here...

...Oh, and not a day goes by I don’t miss her but, at least I have the solace of not knowing what good things lie around the corner waiting for me — I’m a better man for having been with her.

Got this from Les in an email - worth watching if you have the bandwidth (Marcia where ever you are I spelled it right!)

Last night I had the pleasure of the company of my BlogSensei. Blog Sensei has taken it upon herself to become a somewhat secret operative (of what I cannot say as I’m not sure if she wants it to be common knowledge). Suffice to say, when I found out I came away very, very impressed by her commitment. If more people in this country would follow her lead, our nation would be a better place.

Now if I could just get Dean to run for the city council.

There are times when I write a long post and somehow, somewhere along the line I hit the wrong series of keys in sequence and just lose the whole thing outright - needless to say it‘s very frustrating.

Today, I was walking in to work - it was unbearably hot as I walked along Park Avenue, a benefit of the beautifully sunny weather we’ve been having.

As I got up to the building where my client is located, there was a young women dressed in jeans and a tight fitting top. In her hands she held a clipboard with a sticker on the back which read “BEAT BUSH!” (exclamation point added for effect). She was stopping people as they walked by trying to catch their attention.

As I approached the door, she turned towards me and pointedly said, “Excuse me sir, do you want to beat bush?”

Are women really not aware of occurs to a man when they have that question directed at them? Needless to say, I responded with the curt nod which indicated I was pressed for time and surpressed a smile and slight laugh as I made my way through the revolving doors of the building.

Just something I came across in my aimless meanderings:

Total bill / Tip amount / Percentage: $365.96 / $0.96 / 0%

What happened: her and her friends (including Paris and Nikki Hilton) got so drunk. they were all singing, and spilt their drinks. when i cleaned up, Britney says to me ‘you missed a spot’ what a fucking bitch. i hope she comes back so i can shit in her food... ugly fat-ass bitch.

Courtesy of BitterWaitress.com

Ssssshhhhhhhhhh...

...be very quiet. As a Mets fan I don’t want to jinx it but, I think the downcast looks are becuase all Mets fans are looking to find their brooms.

Yankees trying to trace cause of parasites

...and here I thought it would be an article about all those fair weather Yankee fans I see when they’re on a winning streak.

At age 16, Kournikova reached the semifinals of the 1997 Wimbledon tournament...

She’s sexy and she’s seventeen!

I was never a big Anna Kournikova fan. I couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about (I just didn’t think she was as attractive as everyone made her out to be). I’ve got a feeling though Maria Sharapova will make everyone forget about Anna - she’s just beautiful and she’s a winner too (which Anna Kournikova never seemed to be).

Damn that girl, she just keeps getting into trouble...

Utah based artist Tom Forsythe said on Tuesday he was “amazed and truly ecstatic” at the judge's ruling that Mattel should reimburse the $1.8 million he had spent defending his work against a copyright lawsuit launched in 1999.

Forsythe incurred Mattel’s wrath with his “Food Chain Barbie” series of 78 photographs featuring the popular plastic doll in kitchen appliances ranging from a martini glass to a fondue pot. Other photos showed the doll stuffed into a tortilla, a fondue pot and a blender.

Shameless plug department:



Ever wanted that little house in the country?

My cousin and her husband are in the process of building (and selling) a new house up in the Catskills (up by Monticello).

Doing the whole good cousin thing I’m posting the link up here. The area is one of those areas which will probably be experiencing a boom within short order as gambling is being moved into the area (which will make it a more popular vacation destination). Either way for those of you looking it’s worth considering.

News about the whole gambling thing (which happened today as fate would have it, can be found through this link.

So, I did what was probably a very stupid thing today (like this is something new in my life)...

I was reading one of these Iraqi blogs, I’m not quite sure if it was Raed of Dear Raed fame or not but the blog is Raed in the Middle.

Anyway, the guy was talking about the whole transfer of power and everything else... this one is a CIA puppet, Bush is this, and so on and so on, you get the drift.

Now, any reasonable person has to figure living in Iraq right now has got to have a big suck factor involved (to put it mildly) but, can someone tell me please what the hell the answer is supposed to be!?!

There was a poll on the local news channel (the real local one on cable with the normal looking - ugly anchor people) where they asked when American troops should be withdrawn from Iraq and a majority (something like 48%) said immediately.

In the meantime, this guy on the blog was ranting and raving about the situation.

They’re lopping people’s heads off and televising it and you get this sense that people in our country are just besides themselves over this - the horror of it (and it‘s not like I’m denying it is an ugly, ugly thing).

In the meantime though (and as I said before), we’ve spent the better part of the last ten years flying over this damn country, dropping bombs, launching cruise missiles and enforcing these sanctions and until they invaded about a year ago the only thing it was doing was making life miserable for the people living in Iraq.

So, now there are troops on the ground, they’ve been there a year and there’s these bombings going on and kidnapping and all kinds of crappy things and people kind of seem to have the attitude that this is all to much and we should just walk away.

And it made me think of New York city in the late seventies and throughout the eighties when there was a lot more crime and graffiti everywhere and people said you just couldn’t do anything about it and so a lot of businesses and people moved away from the city.

Someone came along and decided it wasn’t the way things should be and it took a couple of years but the city is a lot better now than it was.

I also was thinking about how back in the 30’s there were groups of nations that really didn’t think it was worth fighting over anything (because WW1 had been so horrible) and so their foreign policy was one of appeasement which meant that axis countries were allowed to roll in and take over other nations (Poland, the Sudetenland, Ethiopia, Manchuria).

The thing I’m trying to get at is appeasement never ever seems to work that well.

But, maybe I’m wrong so, crack the history books and see if you can prove me wrong.

Or maybe you’ll find that there are some battles you can’t walk away from and it might just be that we’re in the middle of one.

Anyway, I wrote the guy (which means I will probably wind up on some Patriot Act FBI list somewhere) and I just asked him if he thought us not being there (like starting tomorrow) would make things that much better or if things had been so much better when Saddam was running the show. I know it sounds simplistic and a bit naive but I really do hope 10 years from now things are better in that country - one thing is what we were doing from 91 through 2003 sure didn’t do much good.

Last week, I caught Bill Clinton on The Charlie Rose show (which if you click on the link you can listen to as well - not through the Charlie Rose website though and not for those of tiny bandwidth).

Bill’s out there these days plugging his new book which seems to be doing quite well.

Anyway, I watched and there is no denying Clinton is a compelling speaker. He’s charming and there is just no escaping the fact. I think it’s a large part of his allure as well, he evokes extreme passion in people they either love him or hate him.

I have a tendency to be more pragmatic though, as the years passed during Clinton’s term in office, I liked him less and less.

There were things that happened during his watch I liked - mainly the reduction of the national debt (which I think could be attributed more to Congress at that time) but, simultaneously there was a gap between what he said and what he did.

The disconnect between Clinton the statesman and his actions in regard to issues such as personal privacy of citizens, use of the military and fixing health care was so very wide.

So, getting back to watching Bill. Charlie Rose and he were talking about the book and Clinton’s term in office and invariably Monica Lewinsky’s name comes up.

Clinton apologizes to his wife and daughter and talks about going to therapy to save his marriage but, there was one really gaping (and noticeable) omission. Of course, it was Lewinsky herself. I’m not a big fan of hers and she doesn’t catch my fancy but, he was with her!

It isn’t like she forced her way into the oval office and attacked the presidential member (and there’s got to be a joke about alert secret service agents and wrestling in there somewhere) but, he just kind of glossed over the fact and commented on how he “did it” mainly just because he could - which probably said a lot more about him than any public statement he’s made to date.

Anyway, I noticed the omission and consequently I can’t say I was surprised when a day or two later the following appeared:

“He says he was proud of the way that he defended the presidency - at my expense. In the process, he destroyed me,” she said. “I was a young girl and to hear him saying some of the things he was saying today - it's a shame.”

And also:

“I had wanted him to say that I was a nice, decent person and that he was sorry this had happened because I - I tried to do as much as I could to protect him,” Lewinsky said. “I didn't allow him to be put on tape that night.”

So, when it gets right down to it, as compelling a speaker as he is, as charming as he can be, I leave you to make your own determinations about his conduct - I’ve drawn my own conclusions and the best I can say is that I believe history will look back at him with a jaundiced eye.

Why is this woman smiling?



I guess resistance really isn’t that futile after all...



Illinois Repub lican senatorial candidate Jack Ryan, his candidacy in turmoil over sex club allegations, decided to quit his quest for Congress on Friday. “I am today withdrawing from the race,?? he said in a statement prepared by his campaign.



No, it’s not that Jack Ryan, the one from the Tom Clancy novels which has been protrayed by Ben Affleck, Harrison Ford and Alec Baldwin.

Jeri Ryan charged during a custody hearing that Jack Ryan took her on surpris e trips to New Orleans, New York and Paris in 1998, a nd that he insisted she go to sex clubs with him on each trip. She said that after going out to dinner with Ryan in New York, he demanded that she go to a club with him.
“It was a bizarre club with cages, whips and other apparatus hanging from the ceiling,?? she said.

She said Ryan asked her to perform a sexual act while others watched, and she refused. She said they left and Ryan apologized to her and said it was out of his system.

But then, she said, he took her to Paris and again took her to a sex clu b. She said she cried and became physically ill at the club, and her husband got angry with her. She said she could never get over that incident.



It’s a story that will bounce around in the minds of Star Trek nerds for years to come folks.

C’mon, you know you want to find out:

I was thinking today I might be considered a liberal Republican or maybe it’s a conservative Democratic but then when I got right down to it I figured out I was just basically a cynic at heart.